Can This Marriage Be Saved

Making Marriage a Success 223
trapped and cheated by his father's financial reverses. When he was
obliged to help his sisters through high school, a not uncommon cir-
cumstance, he suffered agonizing terror that he would miss college.
To him a good education meant money, and money meant he could
win back lost prestige. Less able than most men to tolerate the
thought of failure, he entered a speculative business. At home he de-
manded, and for a long while received, an overwhelming amount
of affection and consideration. Any hint of coolness or disapproval
on Lucy's part he interpreted as failure. He carried a crushing bur-
den of inner anxiety, acquired in his formative years. It seems clear
he drank to escape.
Dan was an intelligent man. During our consultations with hfm
he surveyed his own personality objectively—something he had
never done previously. He had thought of himself as the average
good fellow, a loving and generous husband whose lapses should be
forgiven because he meant well. He perceived that his demands on
Lucy had been excessive, that she was far more yielding and sub-
missive than the average wife. He admitted to a need of reform in
himself. He promised to modify his drinking, which he still believed
he could handle, and to make strenuous efforts to control his temper.
Lucy then returned to him. Economic necessity was by no means
the only factor involved. Lucy had more ties to Dan than she real-
ized. Her love for him was battered, but it still existed. She wanted
to help him. After Peter's birth, she had relegated her husband to a
secondary place in her thoughts and in the home. Upon her return,
she stopped keeping Peter on constant parade. In an effort to eota-
pensate for Dan's indifference, she had been spoiling the child. She
soft-pedaled her praise of Peter and once again found virtues in
Dan to praise. Dan badly needed praise, appreciation, admiration,
love—much more than do most men. Lucy restored him to first place
in her life. She moved back into the double bed, and their sexual
relationship was resumed.
There was an interval of calm. This was followed by another
storm. Finally Dan decided be must stop drinking for his awn sake,
that liquor was not for him. Of his own accord, be joined Alcoholics